The Beauty and Horror of People as Hurricanes

As with the weather, we can appreciate people's splendor and horror at the same time.

There was a time when I would be outraged when someone lied to me, deceived me, or failed to honor their word. But not anymore.

When a natural disaster occurs, such as a flood, tornado, or forest fire, we can often treat the circumstances simply as “unfortunate circumstances I have to deal with”. When I lived in rural Georgia, if a hurricane occurred, there was no cursing a malevolent God, just practical preparations and clean-up afterwards. A few years ago, my brother showed me where a large tree’s root system filled up one of his rooms. A tree growing right outside a window had uprooted and smashed through the roof during a hurricane. Luckily no one was hurt. Also, no one was blamed for the circumstances.

Nature can be both horrible and beautiful at the same time. What would happen if we looked upon each other with that same eye?

I take practical steps to account for the possibility that I will be lied to or that someone will not keep their word. But if this happens, I no longer get relationally tangled. It’s like loving to live in a place that also has natural disasters: I live, by choice, in Northern California. Most of the year, it’s beautiful. Regularly, though, there are fierce forest fires. It’s simply the way things are around here. I appreciate the beauty and prepare for the disasters. And the fire is beautiful, in its own terrible way…it is something I can both appreciate and dislike.

It can be the same for people. People lie. People cheat. People steal. You can appreciate with wonder and delight their motivations. You can still like that you don’t like this is happening. Holding these two attitudes simultaneously maintains fluid, safe relationship.

Once, when my daughter was very young, we were strolling with a beloved dog. I can remember with delight the irresistible nature of the bagel dangling in my daughter’s hand, right in front of the dog’s nose. We lost a bagel that day, but not affection for the dog, and gained a wonderful story of treachery, as the bagel quickly disappeared down the dog’s throat.

But what about higher stakes? Ultimately, there is nothing gained by taking the stance that people should be aligned with you. Cheerfully relaxing the expectation for alignment enables both relational exploration of the possibilities of greater alignment, and fluid response to non-alignment without the friction of clinging to the idea that things need be otherwise than they are.

When you can release the demand for coherence, and continuously see people as breathtaking beautiful just as they are, yet also with horrific potential, like the weather, then you relax into an attitude that both draws people into their best yet reacts responsively when the worst occurs.