First, I is I. Then I is not I. Then I is I.

Re-embracing identity after its recognition as something entirely made-up.

I’ve had a few successful and a few unsuccessful identities over the years. “Successful” here means that my desired (aspirational) identity, lived identity, and social identity lined up.

As an example of a mismatch, I tried engaging the identity of “artist” for a few years. At that point in my life, my reality field was not strong enough to draw others into it. It was an aspirational identity that never got converted to a social identity where others recognized me in that way. The lack of social recognition of myself as “artist” caused me to drop a lived identity as an artist for many years.

The identity of “artist” started out as a guiding image, that helped me explore new ways of being. I was wanting to convert that identity to some sort of social value, though, and that corrupted the identity, made it try to do things that I now believe are not wisely done using identification.

An "identity" functions best as a method of engagement with life, not as a held truth.

It affirms to yourself that it is OK to be as I want to be and do as I want to do, in this aspect of living. In that way, it can provide a "grip", an affordance, to strengthen your ability to live your life, when how you are and what you are doing is not generally socially supported.

It also can communicate to others how you want to be seen and how you want to participate with them socially, shaping a relational field of interaction that is supportive.

How we want to be and what we want to do never stops evolving. Taking on an identity can be useful and powerful. However, treating an identity as a description of your "essence" can fixate you in a moment of your personal evolution that has passed, and become a binding constraint.

As a guiding form, an identity can influence social interaction, but not be dictated by social recognition. The Jewish concept of Tzedakah, or anonymous charity, is an example of explicitly breaking the connection between identity (“I am a charitable person”) and social recognition of that identity.

Last year, I went to my father’s funeral in the middle of America, in a town of 600 in rural Ohio where my ancestors emigrated from Denmark in the mid-19th century. My paternal grandfather had married a Jewish woman, and I grew up identifying as Jewish. But here I was with an extended Lutheran family. My maternal grandmother was anti-Christian, having suffered anti-Semitism at Christian hands, and I grew up with some averseness to Christianity. I wondered what it would be like to embrace my European, Christian heritage. I have finally started learning about Christianity — not in order to become a convert; rather, I am finally releasing the last vestiges of identifying as being anti-Christian. The identity was a binding contraint.

Right now, my daughter identifies as a “theater kid”, and I can see how that identity helps form her actions. It is a resonator that provides a simple test for exploring what she might do, like a Geiger counter checking for radiation. “Does this resonate with the identity of “theater kid”? If so, then explore more!”

There was also a time in my life when I eschewed identity, perhaps even with the trite phrase “I don’t like labels” (it’s long enough ago that I don’t recall). In doing so, I was foregoing the use of identity for resonant exploration that is serving my daughter well.

I have entered a new era of embracing identity; not as an essential fact about myself, but as an orienting ideal of a way of being that provides a touchstone for exploring how I can resonate in the world.